Kyrin- The Prologue

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Kyrin- The Prologue

Post by LinakeNoelani on Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:00 pm

So I'm trying to write a book but I don't know were to go. I've managed to get the prologue but I don't really feel it. So, can you help me? I would like some suggestions on where I should go next with this and how I could possibly tweek it. Please don't be too harsh, though. I know I'm not perfect and neither are my writings. Thanks for your help.



Kyrin

Prologue:

She’s crying. I’ve never seen her cry before. She doesn’t cry. It’s just not her. Something truly terrible must have happened. But what? What has happened that is making her cry? In school no less! Crying is an act of shame in Kris’s book. And to cry at school? Don’t even bother showing your face anymore. So what has made her ignore the one thing that she lives by and cry at school? Oh, God. She’s going into hysterics. I’ll ask her about it when I go to the library this afternoon to meet her and do our homework together, I think to myself, too worried about Kris and wrapped up in my own jumbled thoughts to finish my class work.

I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “FOCUS,” I whisper to myself soft enough for only my hearing, “You need to get this done. I mean, you’re already practically failing. Do you really want to lose your car, be kept from going to prom, and repeat your senior year?” I sigh and star going back to my work when the guidance counselor, Mrs.Finn, arrives in the doorway of the class room. I see the school resource officer, Officer Pern, the principal, Dr. McRoy, another police officer, my oldersister, Kate, and my younger sister, Lisa, behind her in the hall. Kate should be at the university and Lisa should be in her 10th grade math class right now.
“Ms.Peters,” Mrs.Finn says to my teacher, “We need to see Kyrin in the hall for a moment. I doubt she’ll be coming back so she needs to bring her things with her.”

“Of course,” Ms.Peters tells her and motions towards the door, “Kyrin.”

I get my things together and start towards the door. Looking in the hall again, I see Kris still standing out there, crying holding a hysterical Lisa in her arms. I can tell that Kate’s keeping it all in, trying to be strong.
Oh shit. What the hell’s happened? I ask myself silently as I step in the hall and Mrs.Finn closes the class room door behind me. There’s a very long uncomfortable silence that seems to go on forever. It’s making me feel uneasy and I tense up. I can’t take it anymore when Kris starts sobbing lightly, Lisa goes in and out of hysterics, and a tear finally escapes down Kate’s cheek.

“What’s going on? Kate, why aren’t you at the university? Mom and Dad are going to be pissed when you go home and they find out you’re skipping school,” I say shakily, scared of the answer.

“Kyrin,” Kate says with forced control in her voice, “Mom and Dad aren’t at home. They won’t be coming home, either.”

“Why not?” I ask, “Where are they?”

“They’re on the intersection of Topping Road and Marron Lane-,” Kate starts.

“Kyrin, they’re dead,” Kris finishes for her. “I’m so sorry. The only reason I knew before you did is because when I was coming back to class from the bathroom, I saw Kate and Lisa and all these other people outside of the class room and I asked what happened, so your sisters told me- well, at least Kate did, Lisa was crying too much to say anything. I’m so sorry, Kyrin, I really am.”

I stare at them, not believing what I’ve just heard.

This couldn’t have happened. This hasn’t happened. I’m dreaming, I tell myself and my crying gets worse. “How? What-?” I choke on the end of my question.

“An eighteen wheeler lost control when turning and hit your parents dead on. They died on impact,” says the police officer.

My mind is racing. I’m seeing the horrific scene unfold in my head as if I were there, myself, watching it happen and suddenly I’m in hysterics- worse than Lisa was. This is just too much to bare. I feel dizzy. I hear everyone faintly asking me if I’m okay, I see them looking at me with concern in their eyes. The next thing I know, all of these hands are reaching out to steady me. The last thing I feel is someone’s sturdy hands catching me just in time. I have just enough time to recognize whose hands they are- my boyfriend Jake’s hands- before everything goes black…

…And I faint.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[u][i][b]

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