Andy's Book

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Andy's Book

Post by Banshee on Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:41 pm

'Kay! Kid gave me the name for Andy's new book, The One in Between. I could use some opinions on it...

Prologue

It's been ten years, three months, and seven days since I last saw her. I've been counting. That was the day I let the girl I loved the most go because I wasn't living and because of that...she wasn't truely either. I never truely let go of her, my heart knows that. I miss her more then you could ever imagine. I miss her voice, her smile, the way she looked at me, and the way I felt about her. People are starting to notice somethings not right, only Tommy and my guardian angel, Nathaniel. We've made an agreement, I help him get his wings and I get to go back. A year, that's how long I get. A year to make her fall in love with me, a year to get her to marry me, a year to see her. I can't tell her who I am or I'll be forced to leave. It's been ten years, three months, and seven days since I last saw Liz. I'm going back.
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Re: Andy's Book

Post by Banshee on Tue Sep 06, 2011 4:02 pm

Chapter One: Andrew

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
— Oscar Wilde

I died when I was sixteen. At sixteen you have fantasies, hopes, and dreams that no matter what has happened in your life, you believe at least a few of them, but then again at any age we do. We don't prepare ourselves for the worst, for the pain and the sorrow. We don't prepare for the unexpected because as people we truly don't want to. They say to focus in the moment and by all means do it, but sometimes we become too caught up in the moment and find ourselves lost, dazed, and alone. I didn't expect to die that day, the thought never once crossed my mind but then again...why would it? You might think that I might have been more prepared from then on when I found myself stuck, I wasn't. I wasn't prepared to fall in love, I wasn't prepared for anything. Life is a series of unexpected turns and surprises, and sometimes we find that we've had the ground we believed to be solid crumble away at our feet. We fall into darkness sometimes and suddenly we cannot see what lies ahead. We find that we are alone, and as soon as we see a ray of hope we cling to it. Liz was my hope.

Maybe that's why I want to go back, I don't know. All I know is how she made me feel, and I've never felt that way about anyone. God gave me the chance to make things right. Nathaniel explained everything to me, Tommy would come with me and Nathaniel would check in every month and would be there if I needed him. All I had to do was call. Was I ready for this? No, we can never be prepared but I had to try...boy did I have to try.

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Re: Andy's Book

Post by Sweet on Tue Sep 06, 2011 8:13 pm

It's been ten years, three months, and seven days since I last saw her. (One decade, three months, and a week. I don't know....makes it seem longer.)

I've been counting. (Oh, it's obvious he's been counting. It's such a short sentence you don't need to add that.

That was the day I let the girl I loved the most go because I wasn't living and because of that...she wasn't truely either. (The wordings weird. Try: Because I wasn't living, neither was she, and so I had to let her go.)

I never truely let go of her, my heart knows that. I miss her more then you could ever imagine. (Truly has no "e"...and try to put those two together. Like: I never truly let go of her, and now I miss her more than ever. Try not to use "you".

I miss her voice, her smile, the way she looked at me, and the way I felt about her. (The same words twice in a paragraph. It irks me.)

People are starting to notice somethings not right, only Tommy and my guardian angel, Nathaniel. (I don't....it needs....you should be able to figure this one out.)

We've made an agreement, I help him get his wings and I get to go back. (Wait, back up. If Tommy isn't in the next few sentences, don't add him at all. Unless, of course, you say something about him, which ya didn't.)

A year, that's how long I get. (YAY.)

A year to make her fall in love with me, a year to get her to marry me, a year to see her. (Take one of those clauses out.)

(I get all that, but there's one rule.) I can't tell her who I am or I'll be forced to leave.

It's been ten years, three months, and seven days since I last saw Liz.

I'm going back. (Going back....where....back in time, back to where she lives, back to the other side....)
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