Adie's Retaliation

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Adie's Retaliation

Post by Momo13 on Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:54 pm

A 'micro fiction' for a school contest. Has to be less than 250 words and right now I am at 231....Any suggestions/comments/opinions?

Ever since the advancement, people values have gone down. I don't think I will ever see the day when a normal human will be looked at as an equal. Instead, they are looked down as lower being, as dirt almost. No, sometimes dirt gets treated better than we do. The normal class. The ‘lower’ class.

The whole upper society looks down at us, at the normals. All because our parents didn’t have the money to ‘fix’ us before we were born. They couldn’t alter our genes to make us ‘perfect’ for the future like the others were. We weren’t allowed to go to the same schools, use the same parks or even the same busses. Most of the time, we don’t get jobs unless they have been specified for ‘lower class’, or there is no way to make a living off it. Universities won’t accept most of us, even if we have the credentials to be there. All because we are “Normal”, because we came onto this planet the way that it had been done for thousands of years before.

This is why I started the rebellion. I don’t care if it takes lifetimes, but this rift between the altered and the normals will close. People will be considered ‘equal’ again, even if it is the last thing I do.
I am average, and I am proud to be thus.

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Re: Adie's Retaliation

Post by Regret on Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:00 pm

I was put off by the subject matter. For one thing, the idea of non-augmented humans being considered as second-class citizens is extremely commonplace. However, done well it can still be fresh. Furthermore, rebellions are very common at the moment. I would consider doing something a bit more creative with the idea. Look at Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King (Jr) and Rosa Parks for inspiration. The struggle for racial equality saw a great number of great people stand up for what was right, and emulating just one of the different approaches would be fascinating to read about.

The other main issue I had was that it wasn't really much of a story. It was an overview or a blurb, but nothing much happened. I know full well that 250 words is not much to work with at all, but it can be done.

Still though, I feel that you have great potential, and I think you could write something incredible.

This isn't a salad if that's what you're implying.

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